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TV Show Meme

Meme from jaxomsride

1. Comment to this post with "Me, me Pick me!" and I'll assign you the basis of some tv show idea. (Science fiction show, medical drama, criminal procedure, etc...)
2. Create a cast of characters, including the actors who'd play them
3. Add in any actor photos, character bios and show synopsis that you want.
4. Post to your own journal.

kalinda001 gave me the topic: "A Sword-and-Sorcery Detective Comedy"

Opening scene: art gallery, murder scene. Two bodies have been dismembered and arranged on the statues in the centre of the room.
Owen: “It seems that Bob has been here.” Turns to the painting on the far wall. “This smear of blood is obvious evidence -,”
Scottsin: “That’s a blob of red paint, sir.”
Owen: “But of course! A smear of paint obviously placed here to mislead us away from this foot print on the painting next to it!”
Scottsin sighs, turning Owen towards the statures.
Owen: “Which was skilfully placed to draw our attention from the real action here on this statue!”
Scottsin, muttering to himself: “Your state of mind baffles me…”
Owen: “This is obviously the work of the homosexually artistic murder, Bob. The arrangement of the limbs is truly lewd in nature.”
Scottsin: “Do you believe any evidence was left behind?”
Owen: “It’s pretty straightforward, my dear Scottsin. Bob is very careful in making sure there is no evidence at all.”
Scottsin: “As you’ve said many times before, sir…” Rolls his eyes.
Loud crash, camera turns to see young woman at top balcony, looking at a broken vase in dismay.
Scottin, pointing at the woman: “You!”
Owen, hands at chest: “You!” Blinks a few times. “Who are you again?”
Scottsin: “She’s the murderer, I’m sure of it!”
Owen: “Don’t be an idiot. Bob is a man, not a woman.”
Woman begins to sneak towards open window.
Scottsin: “She’s getting away! If you’re not going to arrest her, she may at least be a witness!”
Owen: “I was getting there.”
Owen begins waving hands around, mumbling magical words. He yells, pointing both arms at the woman. A giant herring flies out and smacks the window shut.
Owen: “Well that wasn’t supposed to happen…”
Scottsin leaps up, drawing his sword. He skilfully runs up the wall, holding the blade to the woman’s neck.
Scottsin: “Who are you, what is your occupation, and why are you here?”
Woman, talking nervously, holding her hands up: “Whoah! Calm it! I’m Danielle!”
Owen: “The name of angels…”
Scottsin: “And your occupation?”
Danielle: “I…uh…I’m…how do I put this? I temporarily borrow items on a permanent basis that are of costly nature.”
Owen: “She’s a lawyer!”
Loud crash, doors fling open. Six black-clad men enter.
Man: “Give it up, Gredshaw! You’ll never catch the real culprit!”
Owen: “Not if I have anything to say about it…Scottsin!”
Scottsin: “Right-oh.”
Scottsin jumps down, brandishing sword towards the intruders. Two jump towards him, and they fight.
Owen: “Four against one…fair enough.”
Owen waves his hands around, chanting magical words.
Owen: “I shall now cast…A FIREBALL!”
He flings his hands towards the men and a grand piano flies through the air, taking one of them out. The others look nervously at each other before drawing swords and charging.
Owen: “How about an ICESTORM!”
He does a twirl, and one of the men explodes into colourful ribbons.
Owen: “Turn into a rabbit!”
A cat flies past them.
Owen: “Eat my polymorph!”
The floor around Scottsin turns to ice, causing him to slip and accidentally impale one of his assailants.
Owen: “Chicken Cannon!”
A vase drops on one of the charging men’s head.
Owen: “And now for my grand finale!”
He frantically waves his arms, a vast array of furniture, farm animals and flora fly past the last man. A dust cloud forms.
After dust settles, Scottsin has defeated his last opponent. Owen frowns as he notices a herring impaling the last man.
Owen: “I say again, that’s not meant to happen…”
Scottsin: “Where is that Danielle character got to…?
Owen, finger pointing up brightly. “It’s pretty straightforward, my dear Scottsin. She got away.”
Scottsin: “You are truly an imbecile, sir. Let’s just wrap this up…”

Master Owen Gredshaw the Masterful – Played by Richard Hammond

Owen claims to be a powerful magician and a master detective. What he truly is is neither of these, but instead a blundering fool who only seems to solve cases and avoid death on a daily basis by sheer stupidity and blind luck.
He is accompanied by his faithful assistant, Scottsin Jeremiah, a skilled sword-master who they both have to rely on to get out of sticky situations.
Owen’s catchphrase is “It’s pretty straightforward, my dear Scottsin.”

Scottsin Jeremiah – Played by Ron Rifkin

Scottsin is a skilled sword-master and blacksmith. He only stays by Owen because of a blood-debt he owes to Owen’s father (who is long since deceased). He has a keen eye and sharp hearing, often spotting evidence that Owen blatantly misses.
He will not hesitate to call out Owen for what he truly is, and will always do so when a potential love-interest is nearby.

Danielle Kirin – Played by Sarah Michelle Gellar

A young woman from the local Thieves guild, she was exiled because of accidentally killing the guild-master’s brother (who wasn’t aware of the thieves guild) by stealing his golden chamber pot and causing a ruptured kidney.
Danielle just so happens to always end up at the same crime-scenes that Owen is investigating, leading Scottsin to be convinced that she is the murderer.
Danielle hates her life, and has attempted suicide several times but always fails almost catastrophically each time (usually by the rope snapping, or landing in a pile of pillows).
She still has her occupation of stealing, only to keep her ribs from meeting her spine.
Owen has a budding crush on her.

Erl Carlston – Played by Michael Palin

The Thief Master. He is highly determined to steal Owen’s staff, which is supposed to have large magical properties imbued inside of it. He virtually has no sense of humour, only making his thwarted attempts to steal the artefact more frustrating for him.

Gloria Linstel, AKA ‘Bob’ – Played by Angelina Jolie

The mastermind behind the murders Owen investigates. She is highly frustrated by the fact that Owen is convinced that she is in fact a man (claiming “Only a man would know how to be this artistic and homosexual at the same time, Scottsin.”)
She has attempted several times to kill Owen, but fails because of his blind luck.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 12th, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
Hee! I would love to watch this one ;)
Jan. 12th, 2010 07:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks ^.^
Jan. 12th, 2010 06:58 pm (UTC)
Hehe. That's great! So many details - I can so see this being a real TV show :-)
Jan. 12th, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks :D

In all honesty, I would probably run out of ideas very quickly and possibly the jokes would become stale very quickly...
Jan. 12th, 2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
Kalinda steered me here- this would be a FANTASTIC show. :^)
Jan. 12th, 2010 07:59 pm (UTC)
lol, thanks :)

And here I was thinking that this show was more downright ridiculous than actually funny.
Jan. 12th, 2010 09:11 pm (UTC)
I don't think the Sword and Sorcery Detective Comedy genre has ever been more completely captured. :^)
Jan. 12th, 2010 09:48 pm (UTC)
Even though this is supposed to be a comedy, you can see how easily it can be turned into actual serious story.

I suppose when it comes to stories I find it really hard to do 'funny'
Jan. 12th, 2010 09:57 pm (UTC)
Comedy is much more difficult than serious writing.
Jan. 13th, 2010 01:50 am (UTC)
Very Pythonesque and quite entertaining.
Here via Kalinda :¬D
Jan. 13th, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC)
Hehe, thanks.

When I read the topic, the first thing that came to mind was 'This screams Monty Python.'
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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